The Nickname Dilemma
by TheKittenKait
Summary: What happens when Lavi decides to search for a new nickname for Kanda? Chaos of course. And a poor Allen in the middle of it. Rating because of some cursing.


**_THE NICKNAME DILEMMA  
_**

**Disclaimer: ****I don't own Kanda, Lavi or Allen. ****  
**

* * *

This day would be a good day, Allen decided when he woke up.  
It was still early, but the sun had already risen, and Allen stretched contently, debating what he should do today.  
His stomach reminded him rather quickly that he had to start his day with a good meal and so the boy left his room after dressing and walked into the dining hall.  
There were only a few finders and exorcists since it was still so early. Luckily one of these exorcists was Lenalee and Allen sat gladly down at the table she occupied after he had ordered his mountain of foot.

They were talking and enjoying the beautiful morning until they heard a loud shout which echoed through the halls.

"BAKA USAGI!"

Instantly everybody in the room stiffened, hoping that the madness would pass the dining hall, but their prayers were obviously not heard.  
Sometimes Allen wondered if the man up there hated them.

Only a few moments after the yell had resounded, the doors of the dining hall flew open loudly and Lavi ran, grinning and a death wish in his eyes, into the room.  
He jumped with a quick 'Excuse me' over Allen's and Lenalee's table and hid behind the younger boy.  
After only a few seconds a furious swordsman entered the room, a killing aura surrounding him.

Instantly and unconsciously everybody took a few steps away from Lavi; Allen unwillingly being held in front of the teen.

"Baka Usagi", Kanda growled darkly, making everybody but Lavi flinch.

"Yeah Kandi-pu?"

And then there was silence.

"Kandi…pu?" Allen asked finally, no amusement but shock hidden in his voice.  
The suicidal red-head nodded viciously and stood up, placing a hand on Allen's shoulder to hinder him from running away.  
"Yeah. You see, when I greeted Kandi-pu this morning, and asked him if he slept well, Kandi-pu just attacked me suddenly and 'woops' now we're here", Lavi explained the situation, emphasizing the 'Kandi-pu's , and apparently being completely oblivious to the now fleeing finder and exorcists.  
God, even Lenalee took her leave.

"Lavi, are you suicidal?" Allen asked shakily.  
He wasn't afraid of Kanda, no far from it, but the _thing _in front of them was barely human anymore.  
More like the devil itself.  
And were that horns?!  
Allen shuddered.

"No, why?" Lavi asked happily and Allen was worrying for the boy's sanity.

"Lavi."

Allen shuddered again when Kanda spoke up, and tried to writher his way out of Lavi's grip, but the teen hold him steadily in place.

"I don't care that you're an exorcist, I wouldn't even care if you were Llevier himself, AND I CERTAINLY DON'T CARE THAT THE MOYASHI IS IN MY WAY, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

Kanda dashed forward, and the only thing Allen was able to comprehend was that Kanda was currently aiming at him since _Lavi was still standing behind him_!

Suddenly he felt Lavi pat his head lightly.  
"Ne, it was nice talking to you Moyashi-chan, but I think I will take my leave now."  
And then Lavi dashed out of the hall while laughing like the maniac Allen suspected him to be.  
So instead of slicing Allen up, Kanda jumped over the table and stormed after Lavi out of the room.

Allen continued to stare forward into empty space as he tried to collect his thoughts.  
Finally his stomach reminded him of the food-mountain and his hunger, and the boy resumed his eating.  
He sighed softly, hoping that everything would be forgotten tomorrow.

* * *

He should have known better.

* * *

Again, the day had started normally for the white haired boy, and Allen sat contently in the buzzing dining hall, the regular mountain of food in front of him.  
He was stuffing his mouth with a really _excellent _pancake when a voice interrupted him.

"Moyashi-chan!"

"It's Allen, Lavi", Allen grumbled but Lavi only laughed and sat down next to Allen.  
"Since I can see you right now, I guess you were able to survive Kanda's wrath."  
Allen eyed Lavi curiously, the name of his hated nickname forgotten.  
The redhead laughed nervously and scratched his head.  
"Yeah I hid in a room that is used for storage. I don't think Yuu knows about it."

Allen nodded, happy that his friend had been able to survive once more.  
"Just why did you call him… Kandi-pu?" Allen asked and shuddered once more.  
A mischievous glimmer went through Lavi's eyes.  
"You'll see Moyashi-chan".

Allen sighed and continued to eat, hoping he would finish his breakfast before Lavi did something stupid again; and he was sure that the redhead had something planned.

This was going to be a long day.

Lavi chuckled amused and patted Allen's head soothingly.  
"Don't worry, Yuu's gonna love-"  
Allen never learned what 'Yuu' would love but he would get a good idea in the following minutes.

It all started with the entry of Kanda as he walked into the room, an aura of annoyance and 'talk-to-me-and-you're-dead' showing that he wasn't in a good mood anyway.  
_'What a luck that I am here to lift his mood' _or so Allen assumed Lavi thought according to his huge grin and the suicidal glimmer in his eyes, but, much to Allen's delight and wonder, the rabbit kept quiet and continued chewing happily on one of the _perfect _pancakes, waiting for Kanda to arrive at their table.

But how did Lavi know that Kanda would come to their table and not eat alone like he usually did?

Allen looked around, examining the dining hall, and sighed.  
Of course, Lavi – as a Bookman successor – had surely realized that it was buzzing full and that there weren't any free tables left the second he had entered the dining hall.

Allen glanced at Lavi and couldn't help but believe that the redhead had planned this for a long time when he saw the evil look in the teen's eye as Kanda walked, not sparing them a glance, to their table and sat down.

The redhead turned his head seemingly lazy but he didn't put much effort in his mask and thus Allen, and Kanda certainly too, could see the excitement and mischievous glint in his eye.

"Hey whazzup…"

Allen, who was eyeing Lavi warily from the corner of his eye, noted content that Lavi hadn't said something that could upset Kanda yet.

"…princess."

Allen choked heavily on his food and coughed brutally to get his airwave free again.  
A few tables away Miranda fainted and Crowly hid under the table, shaking brutally.

"P-p-p-p-princess?!" Allen stuttered when he had finally choked out the piece of pancake.  
He would have laughed, really.  
He would have loved Lavi for this nickname for it was so hilarious, degrading and _perfect_, if he weren't so _terrified _in the moment.

"How did you just call me you piece of shit?"

Kanda's was dark and murderous, but his reaction was civilized for there were no holes in Lavi or the furniture.

"So you dislike this one too…", Lavi said thoughtfully and scratched his chin, completely to the horrified stares he received. No one had left the room yet and Allen wondered why. Heck, why was _he _still here?!

"Oh, I know", Lavi lightened up visibly, "What about kitty? Would you like this one?"

The cracking of wood was to be heard and Allen was amazed by Kanda's composure.  
Had he gotten scolded by Komui for destroying the order again?

Lavi tilted his head unhappily.  
"Not 'kitty'? And I thought it was perfect… since you're calling me by an animal name too. Oh I know, maybe I should cal you Baka Neko!" the redhead said, the look of pure innocence on his face and Allen wondered in awe hot the rabbit managed to have such an innocent look when he had the intentions of the devil.

"What are you playing at, Baka Usagi?"

Kanda's voice was pressed as if he used all his strength to hold himself back; and he probably was.

"Well, I need a new nickname for you!"

"A nickname?"  
The anger and suppressed lust to kill was gone, replaced by surprise, maybe shock.

The redhead nodded, and Allen suspected he was content to have taken Kanda by surprise; normally you needed to do something _really _abnormal to achieve that. Well, this whole story was abnormal enough, though.

"We're best friends, so I need a nickname for you, and I can't use 'Yuu-chan' anymore since you sent me straight to the infirmary I called you so the last time."

Kanda continued to stare surprised at Lavi for a moment, but then his face darkened again.

"We're _not _best friends!"

"Of course! You even have a nickname for me! Baka Usagi." Lavi nodded determinedly. "Baka Usagi."

"That's an INSULT! I'm calling you that because I HATE you!"

"Don't deny our friendship, Baka Neko."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"Ah, Moyashi-chan, save me!"

And this was the last thing Allen remembered before everything went black: Lavi reaching out for him, Kanda jumping up and drawing Mugen, and everybody fleeing from the room.

* * *

Allen opened his eyes with a gasp and tried to sit up but a pain in his chest made him groan and sink back again.  
Only now he recognized the white light of the infirmary and felt the pain in his limbs.

"Ah, Moyashi-chan, you're awake!"

Allen groaned again and turned his head to the right.  
He looked into Lavi's grinning face, the teen himself laying in the bed next to Allen's, and was taken aback.  
Lavi's face was… for a lock of a better word battered.  
The skin around his one good eye was blue and purple and looked swollen.  
His eye patch was replaced by a bandage and according to his posture his face wasn't the only beaten place on his body.  
Allen could see the beginning of an bandage around the redhead's left arm.

Slowly Allen began to feel his own body again and he hissed silently when he felt his fractured ribs and the bandage around his broken leg.  
He groaned again, not out of pain but desperation, and let his head fall back in the pillow.

"Why Lavi? Why do you always anger Kanda?" Allen asked and glared lightly at Lavi.  
"And more importantly, why do you always manage to drag me in?"

The redhead giggled lightly, causing him to wince what left an odd feeling of satisfaction in Allen's chest.  
"Like I said, I had my reasons Allen."  
He lifted his finger and shook it playfully.

"Do you think I enjoy ending up in the infirmary every time I call Yuu 'Yuu-chan'?"

Allen stared at the teen incredulous. "I don't get what you mean".

"I think you do. You see, when Yuu sees the other options for his nickname I'm sure he'd like his old one."

Allen gaped at him. "Y-you mean you did all of this because you wanted to be allowed to call Kanda 'Yuu-chan'?"

Lavi winked. "Bingo!"

Allen continued staring incredulously at the redhead.  
Getting beaten hard enough to be send in the infirmary just to call someone by a nickname.  
This was just something only Lavi would think of.

"You're insane Lavi, simply insane."

The white haired boy sunk back into the pillow and sighed.

"Did it work at least?"

"Yup."

Allen shot up again and winced in pain. "YUP?! Did Kanda really allow to call him 'Yuu-chan'?"

Lavi laughed. "Well he didn't say it directly but when I asked him if I could call him 'Yuu-chan' again, he yelled 'Everything is better that the new shit you think of in your fucking brain!'. He used more insults and bad words I won't repeat since you're under aged of course."

Allen continued staring at the grinning rabbit but sighed finally.  
"You're insane; an insane genius. But why did you drag _me _in?"


End file.
